Capital, simply capital!

I need some more mineral oil. I use it on my skin after showering, its a godsend. But today is St. Valentine's Day. Can you imagine a man going to a pharmacy by himself, today, and buying a large bottle of what is essentially an all-purpose self lubricant?

Naturally, the cashier would say something like, "And how are you today, sir? Any plans for Valentine's day?"

To which I might reply, offhandedly, "Oh certainly, certainly. I've a long evening planned of stroking myself while listening to The Ride of the Valkyries loud enough that the vibrations traveling through the sofa are actually my primary impetus to orgasm."

or perhaps,

"The missus and I were just settling down for a lovely bout of anal intercourse, but when we reached for some lubricant - very important, you see - we were fresh out. Quickly now, I must hurry back."

Both of which seem to be in the accent of those two warner brothers' chipmunks, "Capital, simply capital!"

I think I'll wait until tomorrow.